he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
