I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
