She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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