Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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