I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
