just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
