yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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