I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
