I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
