Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think my moral compass just broke
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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