I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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