it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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