Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
