you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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