My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
