My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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