Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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