he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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