Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
