He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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