I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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