All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
