Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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