I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
