Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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