Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
