i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
