Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
