We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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