chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
