He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
