she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
