She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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