don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
