Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
