Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
