How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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