I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
