mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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