You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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