Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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