I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
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You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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