Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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