spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
