Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
