my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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