hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize