You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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