this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
