I feel like abortions should bother me more
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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