Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
there is glitter all over my balls
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