he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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