I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
