It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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