**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
