I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
