Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
